Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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