you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
