I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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