Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
