U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize