Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
