no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
