i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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