You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
