Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
