I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
accomplished twins. life is a go
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
