Redeem this text for a blowjob
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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