I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
