if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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