Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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