Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
