literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We were destined to go to rehab together
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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