Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
