I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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