theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
