My nipple is on Facebook.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need to calm my uterus...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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