He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
