i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
