You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
