We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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