I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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