god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
