I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
