Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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