The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
