Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
