and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
