singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
