half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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