Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
