I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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