Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
