I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
