my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
