I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
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