my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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