I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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