Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
