I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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