I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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