lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
