i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
