I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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