Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
