I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
