I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
