My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
