He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
