god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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