Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We named our party play list daddy issues
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
