you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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