Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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