ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
