I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
jump out the window naked night went bad
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
