Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
