So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
