Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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