My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
