Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
