so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize