you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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