I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
