i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
