Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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