Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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