I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
