this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
