I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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