Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
