I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
