I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
