Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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