i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My cat gives me a boner
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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