i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
