I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
