I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
