Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize