HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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