no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
