can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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