my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
