we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dignity is for republicans.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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