come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
