So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
