how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
