so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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