Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
