I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
