I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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