i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
