Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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