I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I had to cum in my sink.
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