I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
