I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
