Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im having a threesome with these popsicles
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
this boner is exhausting
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
