apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
