tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
