i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
