her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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