I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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