My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
