shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
