apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
