I accidentally had phone sex last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
