Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
