It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize